mirror dartmouthness 
 the night i went freshman i went tabard don’t ask just houses frat row inside i realized pretty quickly “houseâ€ sense lacrosse house i’d times fellow freshman laxers

my friends i joined drinking games cups tasty punch entertained tabards clothing personalities unconventional incredibly friendly welcoming good time did feel awkward lax bros mile sure orientation awkwardly lingering people’s houses kind did then

an hour later i basement sitting bench brothers i just met asked i night i knew tabard wasn’t exactly bro central i figured harm admitting i’d i mentioned casually guy laughed walked away stared quizzically slightly perturbed look face dumped cup beer head

before railing insensitivity fraternity brothers let say guy apologized minutes later year later i pledged fraternity reached lend support respect decision hindsight things worked trekking choates night confused i wasn’t feeling peace world bro just doused warm week freshman year i apparently egregious faux struggling figure hell happened i bounced forth thoughts i idiot guys assholes eventually i came conclusion different ways living thinking i choose i wanted dartmouth evidently things got props sick pong things cool frat sports team acting like don’t care school things got beer dumped you

did i turn frat parties night course i wasn’t miss fun suddenly bail friends wasn’t end world — little beer hair killed — greater negative shift life instead spending free time outside reasons i came dartmouth i hunkered basements nights week make sure i right places right times acting right way i wanted read book asleep

i love wrap article nice little bow explaining getting beer dumped sparked revelation i wish i say got past craving approval helped niche dartmouth inspired treat respect matter reality usually fail act behalf better selves i can’t say i’m proud way i’ve treated women time i can’t say i’ve good friend point forgive failures dwelling long — assuming we’re great fail — really just form self importance it’s trapped notions things stuck pernicious “notâ€ opposed liberated “isâ€ beer soaked shirt september night years ago i convinced i crossroad great importance amidst mental clamor wrangling i dartmouth i missed girl sitting bench outside fahey deaf calm rustling trees shaking summer leaves blind possibility spending restful night neighboring hallmates i descended place walls dartmouth went existing — living shifting growing waiting step outside

