&lt;div class=&quot;track&quot;&gt;&lt;img alt=&quot;&quot; src=&quot;http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.22.2/5885?ns=guardian&amp;pageName=Will+New+Year%27s+Eve%27s+auld+acquaintance+be+forgot%3F%3AArticle%3A1642733&amp;ch=Film&amp;c3=GU.co.uk&amp;c4=Film%2CSarah+Jessica+Parker%2CComedy+%28culture%29%2CZac+Efron%2CRomance+%28Film+genre%29%2CComedy+%28Film+genre%29%2CHilary+Swank+%28Film%29%2CCulture&amp;c5=Not+commercially+useful%2CComedy%2CFilm+Reviews&amp;c6=Stuart+Heritage&amp;c7=11-Oct-12&amp;c8=1642733&amp;c9=Article&amp;c10=Blogpost&amp;c11=Film&amp;c13=Flick+teaser+%28series%29&amp;c25=Film+blog&amp;c30=content&amp;h2=GU%2FFilm%2FSarah+Jessica+Parker&quot; width=&quot;1&quot; height=&quot;1&quot; /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;standfirst&quot;&gt;The forthcoming sequel to Valentine&#039;s Day promises to banish memories of its dire predecessor. But the confusing trailer suggests it will break its resolutions &hellip;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The problem with last year&#039;s &lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/feb/11/valentines-day-film-review&quot;&gt;Valentine&#039;s Day&lt;/a&gt; was the lack of an overriding narrative. In place of momentum, we were handed a series of syrupy vignettes designed to lure women into watching it with their resentful partners.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It&#039;s a problem that plagues the trailer to the forthcoming Valentine&#039;s Day sequel, New Year&#039;s Eve. Like its predecessor, New Year&#039;s Eve is a portmanteau set around a significant date, but the trailer contains so many famous people in disparate situations it&#039;s hard to know what&#039;s going on. To help unpack this muddle, I&#039;ve decided to isolate the many plot strands &hellip;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 1: Hilary Swank plays the put-upon organiser of New York&#039;s new year&#039;s festivities, while Ludacris dresses up as a policeman and looks for pop songs he can rap to. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Swank learns that happiness and family are more important than her career. Ludacris instructs his agents to contact Rebecca Black.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 2: Churlish new year hater Ashton Kutcher gets trapped in a lift with that woman from Glee. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Kutcher learns that happiness and family are more important than being stuck in a lift with that woman from Glee. Woman from Glee ignores pleas to the contrary and sings at the end.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 3: In an act of teenage rebellion, Abigail Breslin shows her bra in public. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Breslin learns that happiness and family are more important than making the audience feel quite uncomfortable by showing your bra in public.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 4: Pregnant Jessica Biel discovers that the first baby born on New Year&#039;s Day receives $25,000, and desperately tries to win the prize. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Biel learns that happiness and family are more important than $25,000, and resolves to try and love her baby regardless.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 5: Michelle Pfeiffer and Zac Efron drink some coffee together. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Pfeiffer and Efron finish their coffee and head off in different directions, having learned absolutely nothing about their lives.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 6: Katherine Heigl slaps Jon Bon Jovi in the face. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Heigl learns that slapping Jon Bon Jovi in the face is more important than happiness and family, and continues to slap him in the face as often as possible to the obvious delight of planet Earth.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 7: Sofia Vergara and Russell Peters roam around reacting to situations as cartoonishly as possible, because they look like they might be immigrants or something. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Vergara watches a YouTube video of a monkey peeing into its own mouth, and her resulting expression is so exaggerated that a tendon in her neck snaps and takes out one of Peters&#039; eyes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 8: Sarah Jessica Parker cups her hands around her mouth, goes &quot;Doo doo doo&quot; and nothing else. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Parker realises that happiness and family are exactly as important as cupping your hands around your mouth and going &quot;Doo doo doo&quot; and nothing else, before making a film based on her experiences entitled I Don&#039;t Know How She Juggles Happiness And Family With Cupping Her Hands Around Her Mouth and Going &quot;Doo Doo Doo&quot; and Nothing Else.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 9: Halle Berry puts on a dress and shows it to some nurses. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: Berry continues to show outfits to people of different professions until she finds herself jigging about in some waders for a group of digital marketing executives and realises she&#039;s wasted her life.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Plot 10: Robert De Niro squints and mumbles something about New York. POSSIBLE CONCLUSION: De Niro realises this is money for old rope and repeats this scene exactly in all of New Year&#039;s Eve&#039;s sequels, including Christmas Day, Independence Day, Good Friday, Pancake Day, Black History Month and National Badger Day.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;related&quot; style=&quot;float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;&quot;&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/sarah-jessica-parker&quot;&gt;Sarah Jessica Parker&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/comedy&quot;&gt;Comedy&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/zac-efron&quot;&gt;Zac Efron&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/romance&quot;&gt;Romance&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/comedy&quot;&gt;Comedy&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/hilaryswank&quot;&gt;Hilary Swank&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;author&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/stuart-heritage&quot;&gt;Stuart Heritage&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;br/&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;terms&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.guardian.co.uk&quot;&gt;guardian.co.uk&lt;/a&gt; &amp;copy; 2011 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. 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